SOLD

It was a very exciting day. Carrie, my younger sister, sold her first original painting, well two paintings.

I had the pleasure of meeting the wonderful women who purchased the paintings. They could not decide which one to purchase, so they bought both of them. It was very cute, they each had a little coin purse and gave us cash. They had been contemplating the purchase for about a year and I could tell on their faces they could hardly believe they owned the pieces.

carriemaliabudlong.com

I don't have to do anything today

Sandy Beach, Oahu

And some days I don't feel like there is anything I have to do. No calling, just me relaxing. Like when I was younger at Sandy's on Oahu.

I am closer today

I was laying on the living room floor after doing warm up exercises for Outrigger practice tonight. Thinking on a person that I had a conversation with. I mentioned, "that when I suppress my wants and desires I run amuk inside." Like I am going against the natural order of things.

That statement made me realize I am on my road now more than ever, these thoughts are keys.

My first step would be to admit I have a strong desire to be healthy and feel good. I suppressed health and well being when I was younger. I had smoked for many years, my last cigarette was July 10, 2005 at about 2pm. If I could smoke and it didn't hurt me I would, but my desire for life started peaking through.

Taking up Outrigger paddling is making me stronger and healthier. I can clear my mind and focus on discovering what I am really after.

Mandala Doodles

Pen and Ink Mandalas by, Julia Kanani

Yesterday's calling

I am starting to think I have little callings, not big ones that anyone would ever really notice. Like yesterday...

I woke up about 9am, it was my day off. The first thought that went through my mind is that my mom needs a new laptop and I need to go buy her one, her's is old and the screen is dying. She is recovering from double knee surgery and I guess I am still on the clock.

My iPhone sat next to my alarm clock, I reached over and googled refurbished laptops and found a shop in Folsom. I gave them a call, the nice rep on the phone said they have a better selection of laptops at there other location, opposite direction of my moms.

Thinking about the fact I could go get a coffee soon if I got up and headed out the door. I had other errands and wasn't quite sure I was actually going to purchase a laptop so I wondered around Longs and flipped through some magazines.

I walked out of Longs and decided I would just go to mom's house now and go grocery shopping for her. I headed to the 50 with the intention of heading East to South Lake Tahoe. I was in the wrong lane and realized it too late, I was heading to West Sacramento. Well I thought, "I may as well check out the "other" location in Rancho Cordova."

Around noon I had found a laptop just slightly bigger than mom's ancient one but still old enough we didn't have to upgrade any of her external devices. What a bargin $350.00.

That evening my mom had her new refurbished laptop. My duty was done and I went back home.

Anna Bannanas

40th Anniversary of Anna Bannanas

Today is the 40th Anniversary of Anna Bannanas. A dive bar located on Oahu in the university district. Anna's was founded by my father, Gary Budlong 40 years ago. He sold it a couple years back. The bar was a huge part of my life and now many years later I have quite fond memories.

I was with my Mom today and she mentioned it was the Anniversary. It was also today that my mom got her staples removed from her double knee replacement surgery two weeks ago. My parents divorced when I was six, but Anna's was a much her beginning as it was my father's.

So much of a story here...don't know how to start.

When my dad was the owner he would throw elaborate week long parties for every anniversary. A new t-shirt design was created and shirts were freshly silk screened at our friends house. Bar gifts he saved from vendors were handed out each night as raffle prizes. The Budweiser girls would make an appearance and to a packed house he would sell shots for .25 because it is bad business to give anything away for free. And all beer rolled back to 1969 prices.

The grand finale was the Luau we had in the back parking lot on the last day of each anniversary. The smell of cooking pork over the pit would linger in with the empty beer bottles by the dumpster. The rumble of Harleys would echo at the front of the bar, on this day they could not park in the back.

One year I remember clearly, I was eleven and loved video games. I was in Hawaii visiting my dad for the summer and it was Anniversary week. I would tear myself away from table space invaders game to see if the pig was done. And stay outside just long enough to answer questions the buzzed starry eyed patrons would ask of the owner's daughter.

This year my dad grossed me out worse than before. The pig was done and no one had touched it yet. He told me to come closer to the table. I stood and looked up at him and he asked, "what is the best part of the pig?" I searched for an answer but before I said anything he grabbed the pigs tongue, yanked it out of it's mouth and chomped down on it. The tip successfully came off and my dad ate it. I am sure I made lots of strange noises and the patrons were laughing.

Happy Anniversary Annas!

On the road

I am beginning to understand what giving to myself as much as I give to others is starting to mean.

The other day I bought my step-daughter $8.00 face wash and thought, "jeeze that is a lot for face wash", but she is worth it.

In the past I just wouldn't have spent that much money on my own face wash, but now I am worth it also.

Mandala

I am not a fan of torn between anymore

When I was younger torn between two guys was a romantic love story. Now I watch people and it appears to be just a headache with no plausible outcome. I am not a fan of torn between anymore.

But what has occurred to me just today is maybe there is a third option. I relate this to... as I was growing up I never knew if I wanted to be in Hawaii with my father or in Washington with my mother. At the present moment I am in Northern, CA and I love it and don't really miss Washington or Hawaii as much as I used too. I feel like I am putting down roots.

So the idea could be if you are torn between two things maybe there is a third option you will love even more and the first two will fade away.

Life's little travels and distractions

Life distracted me from blogging for about a month; my computer monitor died and we just bought a new one.

I traveled to the Pacific Northwest for a week. Mainly I was in downtown Seattle wondering around. I really do like the Pike Place Market in the morning. I smell the morning salt air while I drink my coffee and watch the vendors set up their booths.

But now things are back to normal and I am busy at work.

Doodle - Flock of Birds

I think...

I think a calling is personal. We all desire to know we belong, we fit and we are doing that thing... that thing we will be doing for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes this belonging is falling in love with another person. We have feelings that we belong with them, we will be with them forever and this is where I belong for the rest of my life.

So is a person a calling, Is love a calling I ask?

I love pen and ink

I love pen and ink, I doodle quite often...here is miss fish.

To follow your Calling

4. a strong impulse or inclination: She did it in response to an inner calling.

I could say that many times I feel like walking at a certain moment get ready and leave the house.

On this one warm sunny afternoon as I walked in the direction of the Elderly home, a small young woman who worked there was pacing out on the sidewalk. She was watching an elderly woman in a light floral day robe walk quickly away from her straight past me. I did nothing to stop her, she seemed serious and determined.

As I got to the employee she asked me if I had a cell phone, "She isn't supposed to be outside on the sidewalk...oh she is getting far away!" We preceeded to call her boss, but there was only voicemail. So I got her name and the the elderly woman's name and went inside to tell someome that the elderly woman took off. The nervous young girl ran after the elderly woman.

Definition of a Calling

1. the act of a person or thing that calls.
2. vocation, profession, or trade: What is your calling?
3. a call or summons: He had a calling to join the church.
4. a strong impulse or inclination: She did it in response to an inner calling.
5. a convocation: the calling of Congress.


from Dictionary.com

Rescue Myself

With all that is going on in the world and with close family and friends I get overwhelmed. I feel like a lot of people need a lot of help. Sometimes I feel like I have given all that I got and it is time to rescue myself.

I feel like I am in a personal sabbatical. I take time for me everyday. When life seems confusing and conflicting I remember something I love and make every attempt to make that my focus for a short time.

Oddly enough I really enjoy walking on a treadmill while listening to music. I started exercising again about 7 months ago and steadily I am getting stronger. I have lost 5 lbs and my clothes fit better. More than that... I may be resurrecting an athlete I didn't know existed.

The walking supplements Hawaiian Outrigger paddling I try to do a couple days a week. Last nights paddle was amazing. I sat in seat 5 of a 6 man and I had a couple of strong, experienced male paddlers in front of me. I mimicked their body motions and found a new rhythm. The water was a bit choppy and we hit our paddles at the same time gliding though the lake. My stroke keeps getting better and better I think.

I rescue myself with water; Outrigger, lakes, ocean, pools, hot tubs etc. I started swimming when I was 2 but was put into the Hawaiian ocean just days after being born. I haven't really gotten back out.

Africa Maybe

I painted this picture back in 2006. I was imaging an American soldier in Africa maybe. He stood at the water's edge in full military gear looking out over the water.

I love Dr. Teal's Epsom Salt, Soaking Solution

My mom gave me a bag of Dr. Teal's Epsom salt, Eucalyptus Spearmint, soaking solution. I tried it about a month ago and fell in love with the mixture.

I used it for bugs bites on my ankles that were very irritating, it soothed the itching. Now I use it in my bath every time I get done exercising to relax my neck and shoulders. And the way I breathe better in the bath I am pretty sure it is helping my allergies as well.

What I like the best is the feeling that I am healing and getting healthier when I take a bath with Dr. Teal's soaking solution.

I spoke from my heart, now what?

I believe I had a huge fear that if I spoke from my heart the world would instantly change or go in the direction of what my heart wanted.

Sometimes nothing happens. I have found that the only thing that does change is that if I revisit the thought that I spoke from my heart I think, "I have already said that."

Mandalas

I am crazy about mandalas.
This one I created with Oil Pastels.

I love what I love

To be the dummy in my own experiment and jot down notes of my heart, the first observation would be, my heart doesn't follow any of the rules. I love what I love. Isn't that the rub we all struggle with.

Sometimes I feel love at the most awkward times. I could be staring at a strangers hat on a public bus and get caught. I look straight at a woman's breast because the pattern of her top mesmories me. A tall man with blue eyes will leave a lasting impression and then I go home to my husband and try not to wonder off in thought.

I love Italy although I have never been. I have made peace with Washington State after spending half my life there, sometimes I loved it but most of the time I was trying to leave.

I left Washington State in the winter of 2007 after I started on my Road to a Calling. Now I am in Northern California and it is gorgeous and I love it.

The start of A Road to a Calling.

I don't remember the Oprah show, just that it was April, 2007. Guests were talking about their calling in life. I questioned, "what is a calling?" How do you know what it is? Most people doing their "calling" followed their passions, followed their hearts. I knew I didn't know what my passion was and I didn't know how to follow my heart.

The morning of April 6, 2007.

Here it is, the beginning. I can say with certainty that I don't know what my calling is. But this morning on my drive to work, just before the large Staples store on my left in Renton, WA, I came up with the title, "A Road to a Calling." Ha, I was literally on the road. I didn't recognize that obvious fact until I started writing.

Today I still wonder if I can I figure out what my calling is? Two years later and I believe I have a glimpse. I know the voice of my heart. Can I express myself? Can I set my heart free? This is the challenge I am giving myself by starting this blog.